Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We talked him into tasing himself.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
