question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
