Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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