We're like a lot better than the average bears
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
