dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
