But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
