She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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