I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
