dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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