There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
