I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
