my sisters under your porch take her home
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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