You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
