I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
