There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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