I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
