not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
