your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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