I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
