you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Semen is not good for contacts.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
