im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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