I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
