Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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