You're my little dorito
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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