You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
