You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
