I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
