she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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