dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
