He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
