my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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