Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
