I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
