My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
