Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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