I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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