Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
