Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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