he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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