I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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