Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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