I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
