Apparently you make a good broom.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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