that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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