I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
