Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i drank out of a bidet.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
