her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
