she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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