I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
thus making me awesome and them whores
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
