Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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