Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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