im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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