He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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